So, the last couple of posts I’ve been starting like this “I’m so sorry I haven’t uploaded, it’s that…”. And hey, when was the last time anyway? Can you remember? ’cause I don’t…
Anyway, here I am again and that’s what matters! I don’t even know what my point with this post is and I think that’s the actual reason I took a break… I am not motivated at all, now I’ve returned because that’s something that cowards do: back off everytime something doesn’t turn out the way they want. I love blogging and I want to make something good out of this, so I can’t just walk away everytime I get down. I did needed to take some time for myself anyway, I was so… overwhelmed? I think that it kicked in just now that I moved and I’m away from my people and my places…
I wasn’t having a good time home, my parents didn’t help either, I was so stressed with a particular exam that was driving me crazy and I thought I could not pass, I wanted to go home and my country became the ultimate mess so I can’t, but I actually wanted to be alone. Some particular way I decided to take a walk and just breathe, I realized how lucky I am: I have a bed to sleep in, I have food, I can study and I have people who care about me, no matter if they’re not my family. So why am I letting only the bad things take over my mind? I’m having one hell of an opportunity and I’m not going to waste it. I have the opportunity to have a future, to have a new life, to grow, to discover myself, to prove myself that I AM as strong as other people told me, if not more, I know so many people that would give everything to have this chance, there are so many people that I left back home thinking about me and missing me so hard that I cannot let them down, I cannot let myself down.
So that was it, I decided, I promised me to smile more, worry less, enjoy and live everyday to the fullest and I think I’m doing good. I’ve also been working on what I meantioned a few posts ago (or maybe the last one?), I’m done being the shy girl, I’m taking every opportunity I have to fool around, laugh and be with friends. Because that’s what we have at the end, you know? We only have the memories left, so let’s make them count.
One of the things I was most shocked about was my birthday, oh yes, I’m a legal adult now!!! But that’s not the point hehe. On my birthday I had school but I got out early and since I didn’t want to be alone, I decided to visit my Red Cross “director” (she’s not really my director, but I can’t find a better word), I texted her around noon to tell her I would go there after class. I always have a really good time with her, she’s actually one of my adoptive moms (I have three) so I almost died of love when, to my surprise, she’d waited for me with and ice cream cake and sang happy birthday to me!
The night before my birthday I felt so weird, I knew it was gonna be a weird day and since a few years back, I hadn’t really enjoyed my birthday so much, it was just another ordinary day, but this one would for sure be different and I wasn’t sure if that would be good or not… IT WAS GREAT! Of course it was atypical, I was far way from home, from the people I’m usually with, we celebrated through Skype and Whatsapp voice notes, lovely incredible messages, and I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel alone because everyone was here, even the ones that are far and I noticed all the people I have with me right now, I noticed for real that I have a new family and people who love me and support me and there couldn’t be a better feeling in the world than that: feeling loved. I think this is the day I truly changed my attitude. Why would I let a few people, family or not, make me feel bad when I have so many people I can count on?
I won’t say it’s not hard, really, because as you realize you have so many people there and those people are not your family and have no obligation to care for you, but still they do, it’s both heart-warming and heart-breaking. Bless the day I decided to join the Red Cross, I won’t get tired of saying that, I don’r know where I’d be now if I wasn’t a volunteer, these people are my family now, I’m amazed how closed we’ve grown in so little time. I cannot find the words to describe you what I’m feeling right now, it’s like… I don’t know, I can’t explain it, I’m so happy around them and it’s the little details I love, they sang happy birthday, bought me a cake, planned a whole surprise dinner, wrote me beautiful messages, I’m justt… I have no words. So yes, it’s both heart-warming an heart-breaking at some point, but I’ve come to accept it and to make the best out of it. Life’s too short, why should we waste it? Don’t you think?
I promise you it won’t take me so long to have a new post! Thanks for reading, this is just for you.