What do you believe in?

Well, hello there!

I’m really in the mood for writing a post, but I just can’t seem to find an interesting topic to talk about. There is this thing that’s been bothering me for a while. Well, not really “bothering” me, but I think it’ll be nice to rant about it for a while.

—B Rants #1:

Storytime: I was raised catholic. My parents and I used to go to church almost every Sunday and it was very cool. We weren’t one of those super god-fanatic families, we just prayed every night before sleep and went to church.

By the time I was around 9 or 10 years old, my parents got divorced and mostly everything became a mess. I remembered I was very excited when I took my first communion and I always felt very proud every time after that. Then, I slowly stopped going to church, both my parents wanted to go to the same church at the same hour, but they didn’t want to see each other at all, just knowing that the other was there too bothered them (it is funny how adults act like children sometimes), I continued praying and talking to God all the time until I suddenly realized it was all very non-sense, or at least it felt that way. Who was I even talking to? How was it possible that I was having sucha bad time and yet that loving, protective, father-like God everyone talked about did nothing? I witnessed my mom go to hell and back, she still has MANY unresolved issues, but she never lost faith. I admire that. I couldn’t do it.

Maybe I did, you know? I spent many years questioning myself, asking “what do you believe in?”, science? I believe in facts, I need to see things to believe. I’ve been disappointed too many times and hurt too many times, so I need to see things, prove things. Since everyone seemed to criticize, whenever I was asked, for any reason, I said I was catholic. Truth is, my mind is open. I do not know what I believe in, I only know two things: I need facts and I do not believe in God the traditional way.

I always found interesting Carl Sagan’s quote:

“The idea that God is an oversized white male with a flowing beard who sits in the sky and tallies the fall of every sparrow is ludicrous. But if by God one means the set of physical laws that govern the universe, then clearly there is such God. This God, however, is emotionally unsatisfying… it does not make much sense to pray to the law of gravity.”

I do not fully agree with him. I think this just made me realize what I thin and what I don’t. I don’t think the idea of God being a person is ludicrous, because, at the end, we all think differently and this is a way we have to explain that we cannot explain conventionally . I do not think, either, that we are the ultimate grand supreme creature above everything else, THAT is ludicrous. There must be something, someone, whatever you wanna call it that set everything up. I believe in the Big Bang Theory, in Evolution and all that, but I do not think there isn’t something greater, bigger or whatever.

I realized this not so long ago. During my senior year of high school, we had to take a lot of personality tests and psychological tests in general. There was this in particular that “measured” personal values, one of them marked ” spiritual/religion”, in a scale of 1 to 10, I scored 2. I was with one of my school’s psychologists while she explained me all my results and when we got to this point, she just said “what do you believe in? I personally don’t like this test, it is too archaic, according to it, everything is black or white”. I stayed there for a few minutes thinking about my answer. I realized that maybe there is a God after all, it might not be a person, it might not be physical laws. Maybe God is some kind of energy, not that weird magical, mystical energy everyone thinks. I mean, maybe God is the force that makes you wake up in the morning, that feeling you get when you’re passionate about what you do, that thing that makes you lose track of time when you’re having a blast, maybe God is that thing that makes you say “YOLO” and do whatever you like. Maybe God is you, or in you, or whatever. However, alike Sagan, I think this God is also emotionally unsatisfying somehow too. I do not feel the need to pray, I don’t think it has some magical powers to protect you from evil or make things happen.

Like I said before, I keep my mind open. I do not know what’s out there, but I don’t deny anything either. Show me evidence, I’ll acept it. Until then, my posture will remain skeptical. I do not like a lot to talk about this, because people don’t always understand or accept it, my mom doesn’t! And I can’t blame her, it is just that I don’t think it’s fair. I don’t mess with anyone, I don’t judge people by their believes, I actually love hearing about them, I love seeing how we all have different postures, I find that beautiful!

Now, my question for you is: What do you believe on? What is your image of God? I’m all ears! Comment down below.

Hope you enjoyed reading, I honestly had a good time writing. See you on my next post and wish you a great weekend.

B.

P.S: Thank you guys for reaching 10 followers! It’s not much, but it makes me so happy.

January Favorites

So it is the end of the month! I have to admit that I haven’t had time to post as I would’ve liked to, but I had fun planning this post. Although I only took three pictures myself, I spent a lot of time trying to find the perfect shot! Anyway, I honestly can’t believe this month is already over, like wtf? I swear I woke up yesterday to Jan 1st! Days are passing by so fast and it is so scary to me now, bit we’ll talk about it on later posts, for now let’s just get into the point of this one:

January Favorites – 2017

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The Da Vinci Code — Okay, I haven’t even finished yet, I’m still only halfway through it, but gosh! It is amazing! It is definitely not a new book, bu I admit I hadn’t read it, oops! #sorrynotsorry. A few months ago I read Angels and Demons and fell in love with these books. Fortunately, I have a very cool friend and she got the entire Robert Langdon series for me, how sweet! So I’m guessing you’ll see a lot of Dan Brown in my upcoming monthly faves. DEFINITELY RECOMMEND READING!

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Monica Church’s vlogs – This isn’t just one of my January favorites, it’s part of my ALL TIME FAVORITES! Like, how can this girl’s vlogs be so perfect? Even when she does nothing on a day, I could be sitting in front of the computer watching her all day. I love the editing, the lighting, the quality of the videos is beyond great, and the length (5-7min) is perfect to watch during a little break or something. You should really check out her channel. She also has two more channels that are pretty cool too and you can check them out here and here.

Try Everything by Shakira – I haven’t even watched Zootopia. I started watching the first 10 minutes or so, but it was very late and I was very tired so I just turned the tv off. Anyway, this song has become one of my current favorites and I don’t even like Shakira.

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Maybelline’s Master Precise Liquid Eyeliner – Confession time: I’m not a big makeup lover. Firstly because I don’t know how to properly apply it, but also (and actually this might be related) because nothing seems to look fine on me. I love smoky eyes and winged eyeliner (admit it, who desn’t?!), but my slightly hooded eyes make them look awful, not to mention my super short eyelashes. So I’ve learned to LOVE this eyeliner because it can do very thin lines that I use on my upper lash lines to enhance a little bit my eyes while wearing my minimalist everyday makeup look!

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Grey’s Anatomy – Or most likely, Derek and Meredith’s relationship. Yeah, I know, this isn’t at all new, but hey! I honestly didn’t have much time to catch up on shows while studying. I always liked Grey’s Anatomy, but never got much into it due to lack of time. Now that I’m finally “free” for a few months I decided to watch the ENTIRE series and *fangirl attack* it is so fucking good! C’mon, just look at that picture, the way they’re looking at each other, this whole show is full of those little moments I want for my future relationship with That Person. Those little hugs, kisses and smiles, the way he looks at her like he’s so proud and love her so much, holding hands… ugh! Just EVERYTHING! Besides obviously being pretty damn sexy! WHY? EXPLAIN ME WHY HE HAD TO DIE? Yeah, I’m currently watching season 7, but I had also seen a few newer episodes on tv including his death… Funny, the reason I actually stopped to watch Grey’s Anatomy was because of the medical drama and because I thought Amelia Shepherd was pretty badass. Fun fact: The first episode I ever watched is 7×03.

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Wall Art – I’m a huge fan of wall art and DIY crafts, so I’m proud to say that I did this myself! I honestly think the photos look very crappy, but believe me they look really cool in person.

Like I’m Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor – When this song came out I honestly hated it, I couldn’t stand it. But I recently listened to it again on Pandora (I love Pandora radio, btw) and I found out I pretty much love it. It is so calming and soft, just perfect. I downloaded it and have it on my phone now so whenever I’m listening to music and this comes on, I turn the volume all the way up and close my eyes.

And last but not least…

Life itself.

What were your January Favorites? Tell me, are there any Grey’s fans around? (Please say yes!) Comment down below if you watched Zootopia, if you like Dan Brown’s books or just comment whatever you want to tell me! Hope you enjoyed, here you have one of my favorite quotes:

“There are two great days in a person’s life: the day we are born and the day we discover why.” —William Barclay

B.

Dear, younger self

I’ve had a few hard days and that’s why I haven’t been posting. However, I came up with three ideas including this one! I’m very excited because I’m working on a major blog post and I even have to do a little field job for it! I will try to have it ready soon. In the meantime, I thought this could be a good post. It is a letter dedicated to a 12-year-old-ish me.

Dear, younger self:

Please stop worrying so much. Many of the things you worry about are things you’re too young to solve, well, you will probably never be old enough to solve them either, it is just not up to you. Enjoy being the way you are. That math test that’s driving you nuts, don’t worry, you will ace it! Actually, you know what? You will ace everything. Grades do matter, but you got all that covered, what I wanted to say is that a lot of rewards will come. So please just enjoy high school, it truly does not last forever, no matter how much it seems it does… Hang out with more people, join more activities, enjoy every single day you go to school. I know you feel like you don’t belong anywhere, but that’s probably the way you’re supposed to feel, I’ll tell you a little secret: you do end up finding your place!

You’re not that alone as you feel. Soon you’ll find out that there’s someone you can count on besides your parents. Speaking of them… Neither of them will change. You will. You will change because circumstances made you grow more and you could finally understand that you can’t expect them to change, it is easier for you to do it and you will feel a lot better. Really hard times are about to come, but I promise you that you will get through them, no matter if it feels like it’s gonna last forever. A lot of people you trusted will disappoint you, but you’re also gonna meet new people. Those people will probably disappoint you too, but that’s a part of life, just enjoy the moments you can!

A huge change will come, and you will be scared as hell! I still can’t tell you the outcome, but it’s probably going to be good, so don’t worry about it for now.

Yes, you are successful, you reached a few of your goals. And you have new ones, but I’m not gonna tell you that yet.

You’re not crap. You still feel that way sometimes, but you’re not. You’re amazing! And you’re gonna do amazing things. Try to believe more in yourself, stop having so much doubts, do more, think less. You’re gonna regret not doing a lot of things, but maybe that’s okay, maybe it’s better you didn’t do them. Watch your health! Stop avoiding going to the doctor. Talk more to your dad… He really cares for you.

No, you still don’t have a real best friend. But now you don’t worry so much about it, because you understood that you’re better off without people who don’t really care for you, you will probably find someone eventually. You don’t really think about that a lot anymore, because you’re focused on great things you’re doing and that are making you happy!

Let yourself be loved, trust more, express more. If you do this, you will have some less problems. Not everything is rose colored, but life does have beautiful things. You will see the good, the bad and the neutral. You will even love the bad things that have happened to you because you can finally understand that those things have made you who you are, and you like who you are!

Anyway, keep in mind that you are reaally beautiful as other people say.

Please take care.

Sincerely,

You.

I really enjoyed writing this… I honestly do not know what’s the point, it’s not like it changes anything that’s already done, ha! But it does feel nice to write it. Anyway, like I already said, I wouldn’t change a thing. Would you change something about you or your life? What would it be?

See you on my next post!

B.

Things that make me happy

Hello internet people! I’m a terrible blogger, I know. I feel like I haven’t posted in forever, but then I remember it’s been like 5 days… It still feels like forever.

I’ve had a few weird days, actually a little bit hard, so I haven’t been in the mood of writing anything. Which I have to admit is weird, I usually write about deep stuff when I’m sad or down, but that’s a good new for you guys! No need to read depressing stuff. Anyway, I always try to stay positive and upbeat as much as I can, but that’s definitely not an easy task while being the Queen of Pessimism (Maybe my user should’ve been Lady B! Mmm… #badjokes). I’m not gonna come up with some deep wise advice or anything like it, it did help me feel a little bit better reading things that make people happy and so I thought of writing a little list of my own, I’m not sure how long this list will be, but I do know that it’s gonna be full of things that I consider great, some of them are very simple, some of them are not, everything is pretty basic, but you know #littlethingsmatter. Hope you like it and enjoy reading!

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  • Going to the movies.
  • Reading by the water or trees.
  • Going to the hospital (details here)
  • Climbing trees.
  • Having weird and funny photoshoots with my cousin.
  • Watching sunsets.
  • Being with my grandparents.
  • Watching a movie with my mom.
  • Family dinners.
  • Writing a post.
  • Being by the sea and just looking at it.
  • Making someone smile.
  • Doing crafts.
  • Surprising my mom with gifts.
  • Walking at the park.
  • Riding a bike.
  • Headphones on, volumen up and sing out loud!
  • Swimming.
  • Cloudy and rainy days.
  • Looking at old pictures.
  • Finding old stuff.
  • Laugh out loud.
  • Doing stupid silly things with friends.
  • Road trips.
  • Taking photos.
  • Eating giant ice creams.

I think those are it for now, there’s a bunch more of this kind of tings, but I would be sitting here writing forever! I want to know about you now, leave me in the comments at least one thing that makes you happy. Just thinking about all of the things that make you happy might help you feel a little bit better if you’re having one of those days where things seem to be so wrong. Try it. Hope you enjoyed this quick post, see you in the comments 😉

Life Through the Eyes of a Red Cross Volunteer

Hello again! How’s your day going so far?

So, my last post was about a few random facts about me and this morning I was walking down the street and I remembered I forgot to add one! I don’t know why I forgot to write it, since it’s become one of the most important parts of my life.

Back on November, I joined the Red Cross in my country. Well, it all started on July last year, a month after my graduation, I took a basic First Aids class at the Red Cross and a few weeks later I took another about basic sutures, IVs and emergency deliveries. I had always wanted to take some of those classes because being part of a rescue team or just being able to help someone in need always caught my attention.

Fast forward to late September, I started some more advanced classes there -they have three levels, I took the second one-, it obviously required more time so I spent around three or four of my evenings a week for two months at the Red Cross. The more time I spent there, the more involved I got, the better I felt and slowly fell in love with that world.

So: Back on November, I joined the Red Cross in my country. I feel so proud while wearing my vest. My original idea was to be on the rescue team, but since I have to be 18 years old and I still have a few months for that, I’m working mostly on the community service part. AND I LOVE IT! There’s a nice variety of things to do, but what I like, and do, the most is going to the hospital and play with the kids from Pediatrics.

There are two public hospitals in this area and they’re for people who can’t afford a good private hospital *Disclaimer: the health system where I live is different from USA’s and some other countries’, so when I refer to a public hospital, it’s an institution where you don’t have to pay for health care, but the services aren’t as good as a private hospital*. Most of the people around those areas have low resources, not that I’m much better, but I’m just describing the situation. Anyway, the point is that a group of us go to the hospital and fool aroud with children every Sunday. We play, draw, dance, sing and talk for a while.

To me, the time I’m there feels like being a kid again! Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than making a child smile. I admire them. Most of them spend around two months in the hospital, they’re tired, sad, don’t feel good and all they want is to go back home, yet they still manage to smile and laugh. It is an amazing feeling I can’t even describe. You can also see it in the eyes of the anguished parents that, even for a few minutes, they forget about whatever that’s going on and just breathe and smile, without wondering what’s going to happen to their child the next minute or the next time he/she falls asleep.

The first time I went, my objective was to make a kid smile, but it turned out it was them who made me smile! I go in there and feel renewed, fresh, happy.

There’s this kid who was about 6 years old, he was eating lunch when we arrived there with balloons, party hats and face paints. He inmediately jumped off the bed and came to me with big bright eyes “are we having a party?”, he asked, “yes, sweetie” was enough for him to take my hand, lead me to his mom and excitedly tell her about it. We usually spend around 15-20 minutes in each room, so by the time we finished, he followed me and said “why don’t you stay a little longer with me playing Hide and Seek? Bet you can’t catch me!”. So I did, I couldn’t say no. I had the best time. He was one of the cutest little boys I’ve seen, so thank you for giving me a little of your joy!

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Definitely, this has changed my way to look at things. No matter how cliche this may sound, I really mean it. I feel a better person, I try to worry less, try new things, live more, pay attention to the important little things. I said to myself: “some people out there have nothing and they allow themselves to be happy”. Don’t take me wrong, I’ve always been thankful for everything that I got, but maybe I have to admit that I might have taken those things for granted and that is not okay. It isn’t totally wrong either, it depends on your attitude, someone not so long ago once told me “be thankful, but don’t be *just* thankful”, meaning: aim high, grow bigger, want and expect more, but never forget who you are, what you have, where you come from and what you’ve been through. Wise words.

My point is that being part of the Red Cross has changed me, it has made me better and helped me set my priorities in life. It has made me grow a little more. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed something so much as this before.

Life through the eyes of a Red Cross Volunteer is beautiful. We dedicate our free time to serve and help others, we can see so much misery sometimes but at the same time we see so much beauty. Our reward? A look of hope, a hug, a smile, a heartfelt “thank you”. I’ve always said that little things in life are the ones that matter, but if I have to be honest, I realized just now that I didn’t really knew the meaning of it until now. You have to live it in order to truly feel it. Losing track of time when you enjoy something. Laughing so hard your stomach hurts and it can be heard all over the world. That indescribable but lovely feeling you get in your chest and throat when you’re so happy and something touches your heart. Staring at nowhere smiling because of memories. Realizing that you are doing something good, that there’s still some good and beauty in the world, that it is not a lost cause trying to change it. Those are the things that make me feel alive.

We’re humans, we’re supposed to make mistakes and fall a hundred times. But we all have a purpose, a reason to be here, and maybe even not just one, we can have many. I think I’ve found the place I belong to, the people I like to spend my time with, what I fully enjoy doing. Believe me, to me, there is no better reward than seeing how some child’s eyes widen and light up with joy every time they see a little group of people wearing some white vests with red crosses on them who come and care for them.

I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it. Now it is your turn to tell me, what is it that makes you feel complete?

~B.P

20 Random Facts About Me

So I thought of making a little list of some facts about me for my very second post, let’s see what I can come up with!

  1. I’m 17 years old.
  2. I’m bilingual and english it’s not my first language.
  3. I love to read.
  4. My favorite food is pasta.
  5. It’s usually really hard for me to trust someone.
  6. My favorite song changes very often because I listen to it until I’m sick of it.
  7. My current favorite song is probably Try Everything from Zootopia, ha! And Like I’m Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor.
  8. I listen a lot to Pandora Radio so I don’t know most titles of the songs I like.
  9. I watch a lot of movies but then I don’t remember any of them until I watch them again.
  10. My favorite shows are Grey’s Anatomy, CSI Miami, Castle, Quantico and Criminal Minds.
  11. I graduated high school this past June.
  12. One of my favorite subjects was math.
  13. I really want to have a puppy.
  14. Whenever I go on a road trip, no matter how long it is, I put my headphones on, music loud and I hardly ever speak again until we arrive. I LOVE road trips! I get so distracted watching everything around and the landscapes.
  15. My ultimate favorite hobby is photography! But I’m not much into it… Can’t even afford a camera.
  16. I’m an Introvert.
  17. Actually I took the Myers-Briggs test a while ago. I’m an ISTJ.
  18. A few years ago I wanted to work for the FBI.
  19. Growing up, I wanted to be a vet, an Ob/Gyn, pilot, police officer, scientist, NASA austronaut, singer and actress (not all at the same time, of course!).
  20. My top 5 countries to vistit is: Spain, the Netherlands, Greece, Italy and Germany. Although I would really like to visit pretty much all Europe and some other countries too.

I had fun writing this! I thought it was going to be a little harder. Usually, when someone says “tell me something about you” I’m always like “uhh ummm, I like to breathe!”. Yeah, I know, #awkward. But hey! It is kinda hard to come up with something interesting sometimes! Another very important fact about me is that I live for emojis, I feel so weird writing without them, my life feels imcomplete when I can’t add emojis! It’s like my jokes don’t sound as jokes.

If there’s anything more you’d like to know, don’t doubt another second and leave me a comment! I’ll be happy to read from you.

See you on my next post.

PS: it would be really nice if you can recommend me any personal blogs to read 🙂

~B.P

Hello, e-World!

So, I’ll give this blogging thing a shot.

I don’t have a fancy lifestyle, an unbelievably pretty face and I can’t even take good photos. Honestly, I don’t think this is such a great start to a personal blog, but I don’t want any of you to tell me I didn’t warn you.

Anyway, hopefully and with your help, I will find a way to make this work. Maybe I’ll even be able to express my weird and abstract thoughts and opinions through words.

I want to know what you’d like to hear about! I want this blog to be super interactive, so feel free to tell me what you like and I will try to please you as much as I can.

This blog started thanks to some big changes coming to my life that I will mention in later posts. I’m scared and excited, so I thought I could share some of it and other general stuff in a place where I can say whatever I want to.

Please, if you have anything to say, an advice, an opinion, or even “hello”, don’t doubt leaving a comment, you don’t realize how encouraging they are!

I hope to see you on my next post 🙂

~B.P