Well, hello there!
I’m really in the mood for writing a post, but I just can’t seem to find an interesting topic to talk about. There is this thing that’s been bothering me for a while. Well, not really “bothering” me, but I think it’ll be nice to rant about it for a while.
—B Rants #1:
Storytime: I was raised catholic. My parents and I used to go to church almost every Sunday and it was very cool. We weren’t one of those super god-fanatic families, we just prayed every night before sleep and went to church.
By the time I was around 9 or 10 years old, my parents got divorced and mostly everything became a mess. I remembered I was very excited when I took my first communion and I always felt very proud every time after that. Then, I slowly stopped going to church, both my parents wanted to go to the same church at the same hour, but they didn’t want to see each other at all, just knowing that the other was there too bothered them (it is funny how adults act like children sometimes), I continued praying and talking to God all the time until I suddenly realized it was all very non-sense, or at least it felt that way. Who was I even talking to? How was it possible that I was having sucha bad time and yet that loving, protective, father-like God everyone talked about did nothing? I witnessed my mom go to hell and back, she still has MANY unresolved issues, but she never lost faith. I admire that. I couldn’t do it.
Maybe I did, you know? I spent many years questioning myself, asking “what do you believe in?”, science? I believe in facts, I need to see things to believe. I’ve been disappointed too many times and hurt too many times, so I need to see things, prove things. Since everyone seemed to criticize, whenever I was asked, for any reason, I said I was catholic. Truth is, my mind is open. I do not know what I believe in, I only know two things: I need facts and I do not believe in God the traditional way.
I always found interesting Carl Sagan’s quote:
“The idea that God is an oversized white male with a flowing beard who sits in the sky and tallies the fall of every sparrow is ludicrous. But if by God one means the set of physical laws that govern the universe, then clearly there is such God. This God, however, is emotionally unsatisfying… it does not make much sense to pray to the law of gravity.”
I do not fully agree with him. I think this just made me realize what I thin and what I don’t. I don’t think the idea of God being a person is ludicrous, because, at the end, we all think differently and this is a way we have to explain that we cannot explain conventionally . I do not think, either, that we are the ultimate grand supreme creature above everything else, THAT is ludicrous. There must be something, someone, whatever you wanna call it that set everything up. I believe in the Big Bang Theory, in Evolution and all that, but I do not think there isn’t something greater, bigger or whatever.
I realized this not so long ago. During my senior year of high school, we had to take a lot of personality tests and psychological tests in general. There was this in particular that “measured” personal values, one of them marked ” spiritual/religion”, in a scale of 1 to 10, I scored 2. I was with one of my school’s psychologists while she explained me all my results and when we got to this point, she just said “what do you believe in? I personally don’t like this test, it is too archaic, according to it, everything is black or white”. I stayed there for a few minutes thinking about my answer. I realized that maybe there is a God after all, it might not be a person, it might not be physical laws. Maybe God is some kind of energy, not that weird magical, mystical energy everyone thinks. I mean, maybe God is the force that makes you wake up in the morning, that feeling you get when you’re passionate about what you do, that thing that makes you lose track of time when you’re having a blast, maybe God is that thing that makes you say “YOLO” and do whatever you like. Maybe God is you, or in you, or whatever. However, alike Sagan, I think this God is also emotionally unsatisfying somehow too. I do not feel the need to pray, I don’t think it has some magical powers to protect you from evil or make things happen.
Like I said before, I keep my mind open. I do not know what’s out there, but I don’t deny anything either. Show me evidence, I’ll acept it. Until then, my posture will remain skeptical. I do not like a lot to talk about this, because people don’t always understand or accept it, my mom doesn’t! And I can’t blame her, it is just that I don’t think it’s fair. I don’t mess with anyone, I don’t judge people by their believes, I actually love hearing about them, I love seeing how we all have different postures, I find that beautiful!
Now, my question for you is: What do you believe on? What is your image of God? I’m all ears! Comment down below.
Hope you enjoyed reading, I honestly had a good time writing. See you on my next post and wish you a great weekend.
P.S: Thank you guys for reaching 10 followers! It’s not much, but it makes me so happy.